Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Icky Fish

Floating at the top of the tank upside down the little fish was destined for a trip down the toilet. Nine fish, lucky enough to still be swimming, were speckled with white spots. Ick. What a funny and accurate name for a fish disease. At the pet store the kind man helped us pick out medicine and gave us advice. “Fish are very sensitive. Any temperature change can stress them out.” At home we treated the tank and made very sure that my son’s room stayed at an even temperature. After all our efforts, three fish survived. A couple of months later we added two more fish and a new thermometer. Who new fish could be so time consuming and sensitive?

We control the fish tank. We say when the fish will be fed, set the temperature on the heater, and clean it when we have the time. I can’t help but wonder if they long for control.

Like my son’s fish, the slightest change to my life can cause me to experience those icky feelings. I long to rule my own existence and try to wrestle away the controls my Savior so lovingly put in place to give me His best.  Selfishly, I want MY way. And because of this human behavior instilled in me at birth, born to sin, I am in a constant state of worry.

Grace is refreshing. Without it, I would be lost. Oh, thank you God for your unconditional love. A love so strong that it manages my environment, keeping me at an even temperature, helping me to stay pure and clean, guiding my steps. Acknowledging the tank I live in as His, giving everything to him - an everyday surrender - I am restored. 

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