Thursday, May 26, 2011

Feeling the Pain

Turning the soil in my garden had rubbed a nasty blister on my hand. Ignoring the pain I continued to work, getting the wound dirty. Sinking my hands into the dirt, I could feel stinging pain but I ignored my sub conscious telling me to get some gloves. Later, as I cleaned up with warm water, the blister, which has been rubbed raw, lay open and throbbed with pain. Knowing my day was filled with chores I got out my first aid kit, which needed some serious restocking, and started putting a salve on the wound. As soon as the promised maximum strength pain reliever was applied the throbbing ceased. I stood there looking at my hand in wonder. My mind was instantly transported to my childhood when peroxide was poured on my wounds accompanied by burning and stinging and I realized how easy it is today to cover our wounds and not feel the pain.

My mind went even deeper, past the wound, past the surface pain and all the way to my heart. If only I could get the pain reliever down there. If only I could cover this pain. If only… This seems to be my constant mantra. Not wanting to think about all the pain in my heart I focus on my hand. Instantly a picture flashes in my minds eye. Jesus covered in blood, thorns on his head, crying, and eyes full of love. He endured such pain. Pain I cannot even fathom. Not only did he experience the physical pain from the cuts, stabs, and gashes but he experienced the emotional pain of having His Father turn away from Him and having ALL sin put on His shoulders. My sin. At this moment, looking at my hand, I know that I can dwell on the pain in my heart. I can look at those broken places and throbbing open wounds that reside there. I know that He is trying to mend them. He did not make my heart to look like this. Oh, just more pain I bring Him. Some wounds have been mended and scars remain but some I continue to reopen because of guilt, shame, or selfish pride. The pain is a reminder of what he has done for me. Maybe I can feel this pain. Drench myself in it if it means I am taking part in His sacrifice. Maybe I can find a way to look at the pain in a new way, because of His pain-His ultimate gift of love.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection
and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming
like Him in His death," Philippians 3:10

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing Jamie. Your beautiful way with words reflects so much of what my heart is struggling with top. I love you, Sweetie!

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  2. Thanks! I get really nervous putting my stuff out there. I love you too and thanks for the encouraging words. God used you for me. How awesome is that!

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  3. @Jen

    Thanks! I get really nervous putting my stuff out there. I love you too and thanks for the encouraging words. God used you for me. How awesome is that!

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